Going to Hawaii!

I'm very bored at the moment. I'm packing right now for Hawaii. I'm very..very excited!!!! I really thin its going to be a high light in my life. I mean, I'm going on vacation with my boyfriend and best friend! I don't think alot of 17 year olds get todo that. Its going to be quite an experience.

the things i'm hoping/can't wait for in Hawaii!!!

- moon light walks on the beach
- running around the hotel room late at night
- night swims ( i hope the pools are open at night)
- snorkling with the sea creatures
- riding around in the convertible
- kayaking
- smiling
- Being crazy


EEEEEE life is pretty god damn good!

Lalalalalaaaa

I had a hard time waking up this morning. Today was amazing once again. I went to the Wharf with nick. He showed me around. I know its lame that I have never been around the pier 39 area. I mean...i had been to peir 39 but not around it. Ok...i'm rambling on....anyway It really felt good. Just being with him. I loved smelling the bay as we walked along the peir. Haha this weird guy confused Nick and me. He started pointing behind us and i looked at him weird. Then he came up to us and said we couldn't do that and he was going to give us a warning. We both we like WTF??? Then he started in about how there's no huging or holding hand with a beautiful girl like me. That I looked like a movie star. EEEWWWWWWWWW but other then that it was the sweetest time. Nick ate ice cream and i had this fat ass chocolate chip cookie. We had alot of fun!!! Then when i came home Nathanielle came over and we watched the film Short Bus, It was really good and very graphic.....hahahaha. right now we're watching That So 70's show. I missed hanging out with her. I mean she use to live at my house. Anyway i'm SOOOOOO excited about hawaii!!! AHHHHH dlkjsalkdjalkjdksjals whoohoo! I can't wait for the moon light walks on the beach!!! yeah! that right! i said it!!! dslakjdakljdalajs EEEEEEEEE!!!!!

combinding lives

Its ineresting to me when your in a relationship. More or less a serious one. That you really sort of combind your life style into their families life style as well. Today when I was at nicks house and I was sitting at the dinner table as his mom and him were in the kitchen getting dinner I realized, This is how the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with...this is how he grew up. I mean...this is how he lives everyday. Its hard to explain out loud. it's a kind of thought that you only understand in your own head. It's just amazing how you merg your family/living style together. I really appreciate and love watching the way he lives his normal life. I don't really get the chance becuase he's usually at my house. Its just amazing how everythings combind into one new house hold from two different peoples life styles. How they grew up. I really can't wait. I know all my blogs are corny. But really.....you would be too if you felt the way I do.

feet hurt

i went shopping from 1-7pm yesturday....shoot me. To tell you the truth I hate shopping with a passion. It was fun though. Its always fun with marga. Then after that I saw Nick and we had a lovley time as usual. I've been thinking lately...and I just don't understnad my brain sometimes. Aparently after about 12 my brain kinda shuts down. I won't remember anything I talk about with anyone.....isn't that a little bit strange???? I think so....

It just scares me alil.....whatever i'm just weird and I should get over myself. I think I'm seeing nick again today. I don't really know whats going to tell you the truth. I'm tired.....ehhh ok now i'm just rambling....All i know is that I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited about Hawaii!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ow

So i might have a slight concussion............fucking shoot me.....


wtf.....It was a bad experience. Involving me...lucy and her car.

Need I say more?

i don't really want to go into detail...

10 months

Today was nick and my ten month anniversary. It was relaxing and lovely. I really enjoyed just being with Nick. Hes such an amazing person. We took a really nice walk around our neighborhood where we talked about gettting married. I know that seems really strange....that we're too young. But my opinion that love is love....and its really hard to find in this world. So when you do you really have to act on it. I'm not saying that i'm going to get married when i'm 18 or 19. I'm just saying that there's no harm in talking about it with someone that you could see yourself being with for the rest of your life. It just feels amazing when we talk about it. It give me a warm/secure feeling. That he just feels the same way. That i'm not crazy....and if i am then he is on the same page.
Anyway after the walk we came back to my house and had hot chocolate and cookies. What a good day. What an amazing boy...

I don't even know

So alex came over last night. It was chill. We talked until 2:30am. I don't even remember what we talked about. It was weird. Today and last night i kind of felt like i was high...even though i wasn't....idunno everythings just slow. REAllY slow. I'm just thinking about things and it makes me even slower.


SSLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW MOOOOOOTTIOOOOOONNNN!!!

i'm tired.

Bored.

kinda sad.

missing him.

I don't reall like this.....but then again I could feel alot worse.....

hmmmmm

Just Nick and I most of the day....


saw knocked up..
it was sweet!

now Alex is coming over....hmmmmm


I miss nick...alot.....

eventful

I woke up late today. I was kinda feeling bad all day. Not emotionally i mean sick wise. Anyway I went to Nicks at 1 pm to find him in only a towel. Hahhaha we hung around his house for awhile. I talked to his mom for alil bit! that was fun. We're all going to hawii!! I can't wait! then nick and I went to my house and tried to finish Mohallind drive. We didn't. Then I went over to wilton because we were celebrating my dads bday. He really liked my photography. Which made me happy!!! The whole time though they were talking to one another and didn't really talk to me. I'm use to this and usually wouldn't be as annoyed but i canceled plans to come because my om made me. whatever. all around today was a less eventful day...

Ggrrroood

So yesturday lucy and Olivea showed up at my house really early in the morning. They had, had a bad experience with some guys. We talked and then i had a docotor's appointment. Don't even get me started...the doctor was kinda kinky. EHHHH. Then I hung out with Olivea, Nick, lucy and Amin. We had alot of laughs and watched music and lyris and prozac nations. Whoa man, Over all it was a good day. Today Olivea and I are going to get job aplications....wish me luck. I know I want to work in a movie theatre but i don't really know where....hmmm well We'll see.

slow

Today was a slow day. All I did was do work and then it became good because I saw Nick.

A boring day indeed......


Slow

Slowly

Slowing

Slower

Slowest

skinny window

SSSEEEEEEEEXXXXXX
So last night or early this morning My boyfriend Nick, snuck into my house. But the only way he could was through this skinny ass window. It was basiaclly amazing/funny as hell! Excpet i've been so anxious that i didn't feel so good falling asleep. So I just layed there until 5:30am. He so sweet when he sleeps. I dunno..i'm being lame right now. I just Love him with all my heart. Wed had some funny problems last night that I wont go into detail about. But since its us we just laughed it off or didn't care. I really love our relationship........

peices fit once again

i saw him and everything in a-ok! I'm glowing!

thats it....


nothing more...
the end

EWWWWWW
Sick and nervous...............

that basically sums up the day.

but i just miss him at the moment.

Better

So today was a better day. I'm really glad too. I'm still hurting but sincec i know Nick is going to be by my side everything in the end is going to be "A-ok". yesturday was i think the worst day i've had in awhile. I don't really want to go to detail but i've never had a breakdown like that in front of people and I think i kinda scared the two people I love most in the world.
but enough about yesturday. today I felt more compelete. Everything was just coming back together. Nick came over and we joked and laughed and ummmmm did some other things.....It was just good to be with him..other than that i don't really know how to describe how I feel.

Hurt

I'm annoying and apperently a dissapointment.

I'm Just a sick person....

I would give anything if it was a lie....that he wasn't dead......

I don't know how to prove that I'm sick unless i'm dead. I mean...how could you just treat me the way you did??

WOW....actually i don't even want to know.....for some reason i let you in and I don't know how to push you out.

emo

So I havn't been this upset in awhile. I really just don't know where to begin or what to type and not type. Last night was just shit. After i had a intense conversation that I really don't want to repeat with a friend I went up to my other house and saw Nick. We walked around outside and talked. He made me feel better because that is his charm. When we were walking to my house and right as we got there my parents pulled up and my mom got out of the car and gigi sped off. I new something was wrong. My mom pretended everything was fine but i could see it her in eyes that something was really wrong.
Nick and I went to my room and about 10 minutes later I heard them yelling so I turn on my fan so we couldn't hear it. about 20 minutes from that Nick had to go home. We walked down the stairs and gigi was standing there in hte kitchen. We both said hi and When gigi responded he voive just sounded empty. I walked nick to the gate and he left. Then I came back inside and Gigi explained to me that she couldn't do this anymore and she had to leave. Gigi had never said that before. I had found out that gigi had thrown my mom against a glass door holding her throat. At that moment i was trying to be ok. trying to just take deep breathes in and out. Nick called because he was walking home and just wanted to have a distraction. i explained what was going on. I think he could tell that I really wasn't ok. At all. He talked to his dad and said he could see me for another 30 minutes. As I was trying to leave my house my mom stoped me and was saying that I couldn't leave her. Does she ot understand? I can't do this again. I can't take care of her again. I ran out of the house and mt up with Nick again. I started crying in his arms. I don't do that. I'm one of those people that no matter whats going on i try to act fine. May be thats screwed me up on some ways beucase some people don't even believe whats going on with me. I felt horrible crying infornt of him. I never want to do that. People who read this are probably going to think that I'm just being stupid and emo. I'm really not trying to be. anyway Gigi and my mom are ot good still at all. Today gigi left and then came back but left again. Plus other things are going on that i don't really want to talk about. Today i've just felt empty. I hung out with lucy, Olivea and Nick. it was fun. Even though it was hard to put on a smile.

R.I.P. Awkward Turtle

So i read my last blog and started laughing out loud. I didn't really make much sence because it was so late. Right now i'm sitting here really confused. What are you supose to do.Thats basically what I think. I'm very confused right now. I feel pretty horrible at the moment. I don't want to hurt anyone. Really and yesturday in the car. THE AWKWARD TURTLE HAS DIED!!! dead and barried!!! it was just a nightmare! But i loved people with the people I love and i need to just stop worrying.

BFD......

So today or actaully ow it would be yesturday I went to BFD!! it was Pretty amazing!! i got to see alot of really good bands that i liked! even though most i had already seen. But i havn't gotten over seeing shiny toy guns and QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE!!!!! AAHHHHH!! they were pretty amazing!!! reallly though!!! EHHHHHH but things happened later on that i acutally can't say on y blog.....it kinda sucked majorly!!!! I loved everyone that was there though and I miss them all alot at this moment! Dani is always fun to take to concerts...she is my dance partner. Lucy was very cute and sweet/comforting. Nick..well hes always just amazing and I just love him....i cuz he is the love of my life. Tia was great and just simply understands me completely. Marga even though i couldn't explain to her in the beginning what was going on was just there making everyone smile!!! and was totaly understnading. Amin was sweet and didn't cause any drama...just kept cool and Asa oh man we are just funny ass people!! thats all i have to say.....he is a amazing person and i'm so glad he's dani's best friend!!!! It was a fun experience and even though there was some problems it worked out!!!! ahhhhh...i need to sleep..or something right now. I'm very out of it

New blog...

So ive decided to get a new blog. I don't really know if thats a good idea. I mean, I don't write in a journal anymore and live journal is just retarded. My goal for this new blog is to try to type in it everyday to describe every detail. I just want to look back on it over time and have good/bad/boring memories to remember. Today I have done nothing..really nothing. Thats becuase my infection might be back. But i'm not sure. ARRRRGGG!!! I was suppose to see nick and lucy today but i canceled because i really do't feel well. But knowing lucy she'll just how up no matter if i said no or yes. I love that though!!! i love her so much! Man.... I hope I feel better. Tomorrow is BFD!!! it has the most amazing line up! My two favorite band is going to be there, Queens of the Stone age and Shiny toy guns. I really hope its a good day. I'm not that worried since All the people I love are going to be there. Plus summer is just right around the corner!!! YESSSS!!! I really can't wait to go to Hawaii with Nick. it going to be probably one of the best experiences in my life. Then getting a tattoo is going to be wonderful. I'm getting lame tattos but they mean alot to me. All around i just can't wai!