He's back

Today I finally got to see nick and I felt...well, I can't even explain. When I saw him in my house and he ran up and kissed me I felt energy once again. I felt whole. That everything was ok. I loved this feeling. The reason I felt alil off was because I didnt feel good. I didn't get to bed until 5 and woke up and 9am....plus i had a really weird dream. I was in this beautiful setting and I was at a funeral. But I couldn't remember who's funeral it was....who had died? so i kept going around asking everyone there who had died, but no one would seem to hear me or answer the question. They would just say nothing and cry or they would look at me and say "i'm sorry for your loss...." I woke up really sick after that dream....but anyway my point is..is that my baby is back and I am happpier than ever.

what?

I'm going CRAZY.....


no joke


CrAzY!!!

I have the feeling of ripping out my hair.......



AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

choo choo

LAst night was pretty great! I saw rush hour 3 which was the funniest movie ever! with lucy, tia and amin. Man oh man. Then tomrrow i have to go to LA to Gigi's moms funeral. Ugh....man I'm not looking foreward to that. Then I come home and Nick comes home! YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! finally! i can't wait. Its been a million years!

Missing him

Just to warn you before you read this..its going to be lame

Its been only two days since he left for New york. But it feels like its been a very long time. its weird I can't really explain how long its felt, all I know is that its felt like it's been too long. Its really weird how love works. I think everyone has tried to figure out how to explain love and understand if you are inlove. In my opinion..and how I feel with nick. Its weird. you know that expression "that person makes me whole". That's how I feel with him. He makes me whole. It's kinda like people go there whole life not knowing that feeling..of feeling whole. Then when they finally feel it. Its like you can't ever go back. You feel spoiled..but at the sae time you can't ever have the feeling of being half full or in this case half empty. for example......its like back in the day they didn't have the cell phone....and now that they've invented it I couldn't imagine living with out it.....i can't emagine not being whole.

I love him very much and miss him. Its hard not talking to as much as i'm use to and that he's so far away.


its just off..i feel off

All by myself

At this moment Nick is close by me working on a film and lucy is up stairs watching T.V. because she doesn't feel good. Their both leaving tomorrow. Ehhhhh Thinking about it does not set me in my happy place. I don't know what I'm really going to do. Probably mostly be by myslef working on photography. Which will benefit me in having more work for my portfolio. I'm trying to look on the positive end, instead of i'm being abandoned at sea or sort to speak. I don't think its really hit me that their leaving yet. I mean, Lucy will be back friday so thats not that long but nick.....is coming back on the 15th..which is 10 days...we havn't been away that long from eachother in awhile. It's just not going to be that easy.

Anyway...on another note. My parents don't like my hair....they said I look like "shit". MMMMMM what lovely parents. They make me feel really loved and beautiful.I'm just not really feeling good where I live at the moment...but every teenager goes through that.

btw i'm engaged HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA

new hair

So today I got a hair cut and also its dyed and darker brownish redish purple..I can't really explain it. Everyone likes it alot. But of corse..myslef and I can't really tell if it looks good because...its on me. Yesturday was a hard time getting into a fight with Gigi. I'm still pretty upset about that, for what she said. The things that she ridicouls me about kinda just sticks there in the back of my head. Whatever, For some reason I've been thinking about college alot and how I think i'm going to fail or something close to that. Ugh..... I don't even know what my passion is. I can't stick with one thing. I have like A.D.D with different art emphasises.I don't even know if thats a real word....I don't knwo what i'm trying to type....i'm going to stop now