painted out

So its weird...I keep feeling like i'm getting a cold....and then I don't...i mean I don't have the full on symptoms....I feel like shit though. Anyway this weekend was fun other than nick being sick. Lucy and I got the house to our selves. Lucy and I always have a good time. I drove alot. Man I'm sooo happy....except going crazy about college. I'm doing everything I can to get into Emily Carr. I'm leaving for Vancouver on October 4th. I'm excited I hope its everything I imagined. Also I'm getting a kitten. Wow...This means its going to be Nick and my kitten in college. Man....our kittens. That sounds so nice. I know this probably sounds weird...who's ever reading this..but Its our first...step or something. i can't really explain....ehhh we get to raise a kitten. I'm just going to stop. I'm so exctied about college and so scared at the same time!!! its a twisted feeling really.

Today I painted basically all day....I'm tired...

Going crazy!

Nothings in order! everythings a mess!

I'm not going anywhere!

i'm not good enough......fuck fuck fuck fuck.......!!!!!

I'M A DISAPPOINTMENT.

I want to scream. I feel like nothings right with me. NOTHING!!! I'm broken. I should be thrown away. i just don't work. never did.

everythings moving, except me.

I don't care if this is emo....emotional.....fuck that!!! I don't really care what the fuck you think.

change...fuck

I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.


I don't know what the Fuck I'm doing

Living life is easier with your eyes shut.

fffuuuccckkkk

mmmmmmmmmmm

I remember mother that day
When her tears woke us so quietly
From our dreams
She told us
That fathers sleeping
And he is watching
From far away....

nothing...really

good sex....belly dancing class....great day. YES!!!!!!

can we get away??
far away!
lets leave this place!
will you come with me...are you down!???
To turn your world upside down


just you and me tonight!
leave it all behind.
Lets go for a ride.

say goodnight to gravity
hold on to me.
the passing stars light the way.

the futurs here with me...



dodododododododoodoodoodoodo

leave it all behind...

come with me in my rocketship!


maybeh????

TIred....shit

So i went to my painting class today....bbllleehhhh!! I don't even know. I'm so tired. I think i'm droping my photography class. I can't do everything I want to do with that class. I mean I know how to do photography So I can just develope them myself. Uuugghhh I really need to start spinning again. I think being a DJ is my best bet. Ah! I don't know what I'm doing! this sucks!!! Anyway. I'm worried alot right now. Happy though. But worried.


I miss everything....i don't know what....but just missing it.

it makes me feel weird...really weird....

i feel sick. STORY OF MY LIFE!!!!

I feel low right now. I'm worried Nicks in trouble. FFFUUUCCCKKKKKKKK

Just one more year...not even! Until i'm out of my house and on my own! i'm very excited!!! too excited! my own apartment. I want to leave now.

SSSSSSSIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh no! oh no! oh no! oh no! oh no! lovers that uncover! what can I say next?

What is this????

Today felt like I was in a twilight zone all day. I saw the homiopath in the early afternoon. I don't know if its going to help anything but....w/e...the woman was really nice! Anyway....then I saw nick, Lucy and amin. We went to dinner. Then lucy and i went to photography class...that was pretty weird...not going to lie. Then lucy and I went to shattuck late that night and hung around until Nick got out of class. The rise home with nick was pretty hot! I don't even know why..nvm I never talk about my sex life on my blog.. I need to go shoping!...i hate shoping but I do need to go shoping...anyway...tomorrow is going to be another weird day...ehh I'll explain later....

hair

So i dyed my hair yesturday....I hate it!!! i miss my natural hair...i can't believe I would say that but I do....i hate this color. I didn't even want to get it, UUUGGGHHHH i feel like I look like shit!!! its horrible....it sucks....I'm soo mad!!! arrrrgggg.....its soooo ugly!!!!kjdalksajdlasjlasjdakl i'm sooo fucking angry!!!


dksalkajdlaksjdalskjd ahhh!!!!

really booked

UUUGGGHHHH! Senior year....college....fffuucccckkkk!!!!! I don't even know what to do. I'm so booked! I'm taking photography and painting at berkeley city college. Plus school, belly dancing and inviromenta/aids vonenteer work.

i'm kind of stressed out!!

anyway this summer was one of the mos amazing summers i've ever had!!! I went to hawaii and montana with nick! Montana was amazing! we had a year anaversary there. He got me a blue sapphire ring with dimonds on either side. it was the most romantic thing i've ever seen. He put it on my ring finger when I was sleeping. He is the sweetest person in the world. I love him. Anway.....I miss summer....

thats basically it....

goodbye summer