honestly......

I dont know what to think or say....

I want to throw up

violently

ill


wrenched


HARD

OW!!


FAT...

mirror..

ow

my eyes


FUTURE


sadljaslkdjal


FUCK this

these past couple weeks have been really really really tough.


I dont want to get into the drama thats going on at home....

plus college.....not knowing where nicks going to choose. I want to go to Emily Carr more than anything. I've really tried to keep an open mind about CalArts..but i honestly dont think im going to be happy there. Everything seems to just fit in Vancouver. I think deep down inside i think we're going to go there....but...you never know what the future really hold instore...for you...

Ugh

I hate not knowing things....I REALLY do...It sucks so hard core.

I've jut been feelings weird ....

really sad...

I need to get away....

Honestly...know ones getting how upset I am...I mean, I dont blame them... because i'm quiet. It just sucks. I'm in a lot of pain right now.

all around in pain.... health wise and emotionally.

Today was sweet though. I had a lot of fun with nick. I really love him...... He really fits me. I'm just scared...of college

For some reason I really need a hug right now...

maybe its because i'm at the hell house hold

or maybe its because i just need comfort in general

So...i kinda feel really bad....


I dont know what my mother is doing....I don't understand why Gigi would have fucked up so much!!!

my house hold is shit!

on another note I decided im probably going to choose Vancouver...I'll regret it if I dont go.

I know I will.

DUDE if anyones reading this you need to go to Valencia.com

I THINK it's one of the scariest places i've ever seen.

AHHHHHHHHHHH and thats where CalArts is....

its pretty nasty!!!

ew!

I really think this is going to work out. I'm going to visit CalArts though...which im freaked out by. Then if I for sure am going im going to Vancouver in june and look for apartments. Wow....idunno

I need to talk to nick about this tomorrow even though I think he knows. I just really know that if I went to Calarts....I would regret not going to EMily Carr...thats where my heart is.

I just need to get away from this hell hole!

So I've decided that after I do all my ideas for my photography that I'm going to find parts of song lyrics and make them into images. I'm very excited. Hopefully this will turn out!!!

I had a good time yesterday!!!

I've never seen nick so comfortable with a group of people before!!!

it was fantastic!!!

I love him!!!

Man......

I really really wish I was happier about getting into Emily Carr....I mean...i will when nick gets his letters. I feel so bad for him. I cant believe it. Its insane. Well....we will see.

Now I really dont know what to do. I'm leaning between Emily Carr and CalArts....FUCK!!! What do I do???? This is so difficult. I like them for two different reasons. I really dont know what to do. It also depends on what nicks gets into and how much financial aid he gets. This is worrying me alot....


We will see....


FUCK!

I'm very happy though!

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

So....I fucking got into EMILY CARR!!!!!!!!!

OMFG!!!

this is amazing...but now...nick hasnt gotten anything....and i'm conflicted between emily carr and calarts...wtf do i do???


my life decision.....


Im very scared